I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm gonna fight the coyote
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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