She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
