I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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