I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
