is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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