Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
