1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
