Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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