And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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