Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
