Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
