just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
