We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
