Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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