Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Randomize
