It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
