Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
