We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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