She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
