I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
