My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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