drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
