Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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