he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
