I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
