My liver just broke up with me...
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Randomize
