He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I am mentally ready for anal.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
