"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
