shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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