so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
