Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
