on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
