just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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