I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
