He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
