i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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