she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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