that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
