If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
So apparently I’m into choking now
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