Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
