i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
