Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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