Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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