the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
