Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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