Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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