so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I didn't notice because vodka
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
