Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
