did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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