god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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