Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
