So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
