I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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