I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
