I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
