Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
