no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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