i already hear my dad disowning me
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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