Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize