Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
