I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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