is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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