you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
