There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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