is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
