you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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