You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
If that was your dad, he is hot
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
