I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize